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05 July 2008 @ 06:46 pm

July 1rst was Canada Day and, shamefully, didn't post anything. So this makes up for it, I hope. Enjoy!

Canadian... isms

Canadian terms
hoser = a good friend..
skates = what all canadians wear as first shoes (that's why we walk funny).
lumberjack = something in our genes..
swish = a drink made from leftover screech barrels.
sixty-pounder = large bottle of screech.
Newfoundland = pronounced NOOFUNLAN.
Toronto = pronounced Trawna.
Lake Ontario = where all sewers drain into.
Over by = no one has deciphered that term yet.
If someone can tell me what a Timbit is, I will give you a whole case of them!

We are cool because:
Way better beer commercials here.
Tim Horton's kicks Dunkin Donut's butt.
Maple Syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworth's butt (I don't know about Aunt Jemima).
In the war of 1812 we burned the White house and most of Washington.
Our "Civil war" was led by a drunken, and possibly insane William Lyon McKenzie.
Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little less than an hour.
The only person arrested and hanged after our civil war was an American mercenary who slept in and missed the whole fight, showing up just in time to get caught.
The average dog sled team can kill and devour a grown human in less than three minutes.
We knew plaid flannel was cool way before Seattle did.
We can out-drink most Americans.

You know you are Canadian when...

You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

You drive with your headlights on during the day (since 1989, all new cars have been fitted with "daytime running lights").
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
You know what a touque is and you own one and often wear it.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
You find -40C a little chilly.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."

Only in Canada...
Only in Canada......Is the Senate of Canada sustained by protocol, alcohol and Geritol
Only in Canada......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Canada......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Canada.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Only in Canada......can you buy Tylenol containing codine without a prescription. In fact, Jane Fonda was once stopped at the U.S. border for trying to take it home. 

1. You are sandwiched between French Separatists and drunken Celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies are
4. When listing the 10 provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to leave you
8. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television

-proud Canadian.
Mood: chipperchipper
(Deleted comment)
Rachelrachy_poo1 on July 5th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
You are my hoser too. Outloud it's even funnier.
Oh most definetly.
Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.: sb: holdroyalacid on July 5th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
I love this, lol.

I know what a timbit is! They are from Tim Horton's. They are those tiny round doughnuts. Haven't had any in so long.
Rachel: Seeing isn't always believing; Grace Kelrachy_poo1 on July 6th, 2008 05:55 pm (UTC)
haha. YAY! You do know! American usually think were nuts.
*throws some at you*
Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.: rock hudson & doris day relaxingroyalacid on July 6th, 2008 09:10 pm (UTC)
lmao. When you wrote 'throw', I pictured you throwing some at me like rocks.

But seriously, I should go and buy some soon!
A. M. R.: Allison | Paperindigo_inferno on July 6th, 2008 11:06 am (UTC)
OMFG this is FTW!!!! :D :D :D
I so wanna move to Canada! *squees*
(Always wanted, in fact.)
Rachel: Dork!Love; Stockard Channing[rachy_poo1 on July 6th, 2008 05:56 pm (UTC)
yay! you are more then WELCOME!
It is a pretty great place. Big enough for anyone thats for sure. lol.